I’ve been personally struggling with maintaining a sense of work-life balance for most of my adult life, especially since I married and had children. The struggle has been REAL. As an alpha female entrepreneur and leader, with a quick-start MO, I am wired to go, create, and build. However, my most precious relationships mean a lot to me. I want to be sure my family and friends are getting the best of me each day and that I honor them with my life’s work.
I know you’ve heard or read it time and time again:
“You need work-life balance.”
Meaning that you need to keep your work and life in synchronized harmony, so you don’t work too much and conversely don’t play too much. It’s this whole idea to avoid workaholism and to be able to enjoy a nice, quality, healthy family life.
I get it. I really do.
I just don’t “get it”. . . does anyone, anywhere truly have this work-life balance thing all figured out? Especially women because (let’s be real here) if you’re married with 2.5 kids and whether you’re a homemaker or you work outside of the home (or like me a homemaker + entrepreneur), then we have a gazillion jobs!
I found this list of 52 Job Titles a Mom Holds, see if any of these rings true for you.
- CEO of the Household
- Personal Chef {clients may consist of picky eaters}
- Head Cheerleader of {insert your child’s name} team
- Housekeeper
- Taxi Driver {don’t expect to receive any tips}
- Judge Mom {daily court appearances}
- PhD in Anger Management
- Hair Stylist {mostly consists of impatient clients}
- Bed-wetting Patrol Squad
- Keeper of Secrets {shh I won’t tell}
- Food Tester
- Family Therapist {innervation at least once a week}
- Toddler Wrestling Coach
- Errand Runner
- Laundry Machine Operator
- Janitor
- Teacher {specializing in nursery rhythms, ABC’s and 123’s}
- Toy Repair Expert {fixer of the little parts}
- Finance Manager
I stopped at #19. You can find the rest here. (My fav is #52. Fits me PERFECTLY!)
So explain to me how we’re supposed to find “balance” in all of that?
If work-life balance were truly achievable, by now someone would have a formula, bottle it up, and be selling it at every street corner across America. No?
But they’re not. There’s a reason for that.
A wise woman once told me: “Women can have it all, just not all at once.”
I think this speaks to the truth and reality of the mystery (myth) of work-life balance.
I’m here to tell you, Work Life Balance is nearly impossible to achieve. Sadly for years, we’ve all drunk the Kool-aid. It’s time to recover and live the way God has designed us to live.
Let me explain my rationale behind this belief about work-life balance.
1. It Forces Us To Compartmentalize Our Lives
This is simply not realistic. At least not for the average, non-superhero-cape-wearing woman.
Life happens and we have to deal with it as it happens, oftentimes.
Right. There. In. The. Moment.
Contrary to popular opinion, there’s no balancing act for that.
What I have found most interesting about how we compartmentalize our work and life is that we’re kind of hypocritical about it. Here’s what I mean, we seem to be ok with our work interrupting our personal life, but we will throw a hissy fit to high heaven, if our personal life interrupts our work. Why is this?
This isn’t balance.
This mode of doing life is like much like a microwavable TV dinner, where each delicacy (#petty) is in it’s own separate compartment to be enjoyed individually. And we want it done quick, fast, and in a hurry! (Oh how tasty and enjoyable is that?) You know, sometimes your meal just tastes better when you can get a taste of each dish in one hearty bite. *Think Thanksgiving*
That’s how life oftentimes is, especially for women business owners and leaders. Our work and our lives aren’t supposed to be compartmentalized. They are supposed to be enjoyed together, enhancing each part of our lives, into savory bites throughout our lifetime.
We aren’t compartmentalized beings, either. God didn’t make women that way. We should embrace our unique feminine design.
2. Perfectionism Is At The Root Of It All
Guess what?
It’s destroying our self-image in Christ.
Yes, we are made perfect in his image, however we are NOT PERFECT. (Grace, ladies. Grace.)
His grace is sufficient for us and we are perfected in our weakness. (2 Corinthians 12:9) Yep! We are actually perfected when we abandon this whole idea of striving for work-life balance and perfectionism. This whole mission to have perfectly balanced work+life+play is sheer madness.
We live in a culture in our society where it’s more important now than ever to keep up appearances. (That’s the world’s way. Not God’s.)
This has a lot to do with our never ending social media reel.
We all project our best image to the world. Everybody has it going on and is living life fully, happily married, with well-behaved kids, and everything is just oh-so-perfect.
(For which, we’re all guilty of contributing to it. Can I get an Amen?)
We have an erroneous belief system that we need to live perfect lives in order to be successful. So, then what happens when don’t?
It leads to guilt.
Guilt leads to condemnation.
Condemnation leads to depression.
Then next thing we know we’re sitting a on a therapist’s’ couch depressed, frustrated, and bewildered that we aren’t perfect.
No thank you.
I’m leaving perfection to Jesus.
(By the way, I have nothing against therapy or counseling or the profession. I actually think it’s a good thing! Good Christian counseling is healthy and can help us navigate through the hard challenges of life. I love my counselor friends!)
3. It’s Not About Balance, But Control
Here’s what I mean, having this elusive work-life balance means that you are constantly in control of every aspect of your life. All. The Time.
Instead, we need to understand that we aren’t in control.
First of all, God is.
He controls the Universe and the very heartbeat of our lives.
Secondly, while there are times we are certainly in the driver’s seat. Yet, there are other times we are not.
A crying baby needing mommy’s priceless liquid gold.
Gymnastics or dance practice.
“Oops! I forgot I have a project due tomorrow.”
The precious and deserving needs of our husbands.
The urgent phone call from a family member or dear friend.
Or a gazillion other things that can sway the wheel of control from us, to someone or something else.
We have to be ok with that.
We have to understand how to go with the flow, abandoning the need for perfect balance and devoting our time, efforts and heart to what matters most.
In. That. Moment.
Nope! It’s not balanced, but it sure feels more like the Jesus kind of humanity he designed us to have in the first place. Don’t you think?
4. What Is The True Litmus Test For Work-Life Balance?
Let me give you a hint…
It. Doesn’t. Exist.
Ha!
Even in searching the scriptures for a meaningful example of work-life balance, I saw none. (Except Jesus.)
He would steal away and retreat to rest, rejuvenate, and refresh himself. In Mark 6:30-32, we see where Jesus encouraged himself and his disciples to steal away and rest. They were so busy they didn’t even have time to eat!
Yes, of course, we should look to Christ, as our guide on balancing work and life, but I’m not sure he necessarily “balanced” work and life, in the same we are conditioned to believe work-life balance should look like. It appears he learned how to live in alignment with his day, the needs of his disciples and others, and flowing in the Holy Spirit. (Read the rest of Mark 6:33-44 and you’ll see what I mean!)
Isn’t that how it should really be done?
Having a plan for our day, being flexible to those closest to us and others who may also need us, and being ultimately guided by the Holy Spirit?
This isn’t to say we just let everything in our lives overlap and overflow into all areas.
No, we are to steward and manage our time and resources well. Even in that management, we need to remember who owns it all. . . God.
5. The Focus Should Be On Life Alignment
Life Alignment is where you are managing your time, in a way that syncs with your life.
In. That. Very. Moment.
It’s putting yourself in a position to succeed in areas of your life that are most important to you, in the moment they happen. It’s about aligning your priorities and working on them in meaningful ways that do not take away from the other areas of your life. Yet, it still leaves you flexible enough, so you don’t live a compartmentalized life, but one that aligns with your values and beliefs.
If you’ve been struggling to obtain the all elusive work-life balance, I hope I’ve given you a bit to chew on + a sense of liberation and a sigh of relief that you aren’t alone. Consider looking at things through the lens of Life Alignment. I promise to do a follow up article of what that looks like and how you can work towards it.
Maybe the goal isn't work-life balance, but aligning your life to fit your values and beliefs. Click To TweetAre you ready to give up work-life balance for something more meaningful? Tell me what that would look like for you. I’d love to hear from you! You can chime in, by clicking here.
This resonates so much Angelica! God gave us each enough time for His priorities. He built the idea of Sabbath rest. The world ‘s way is push push push……that is not how we live as citizens in the Kingdom. If we are overwhelmed—we are following worldly ways not following God’s better way in trust and dependence on Him. Jesus yoke for us is easy and His burden is light. Let’s not follow worldly teachers into paths to “success” that the world says is right. So glad for Godly blogging mentors like you teaching a different way. Happy Sunday.
I haven’t worked in the public for 9 years now. My children are grown and have their own families or lives. I find myself not being as productive as I think I should be. I tell my husband that he needs to fire our housekeeper , which is me. I have truly enjoyed this bible study I have revisited the videos and fixing to start Day 11. I like to catch the fine details because I don’t want to miss anything. I am searching for my purpose.
About modesty several years back, my Pastors wife at the time apologized to me for wearing pants in front of me. And at that time I didn’t understand that. But God has since then been working in my heart on modesty. So, I try to dress as modestly as i can, I wear long tops covering my backside, and Layering tops with high neck lines, I also have a scare from having a pacemaker, and I really like the higher neck tops. Also I will ask my husband for his advice if I have any Question as to what I am wearing for the day. Whether it is see through ,or does it cover me well, or Do I represent him well. He doesn’t like for me to wear dresses at knee length or above out in public so I only wear those dresses at home. And when we don’t have company.
And this current lesson is good for me to have read.
Thank you for you time in sharing your heart through your Website.